Thank you for poetry.

How dangerous I find poetry to be. Always revealing the right words for every situation. Just when I thought I was cursed alone, I found out so many souls that have walked the same path before. And for every tear that has rolled down my cheek, I find ten paragraphs to describe the way I feel. Some are delicate, like the rising sun kissing a flower field on a morning of spring; and some others sting, like a thorn would pierce my finger, unexpectedly... painfully. I always find the right combination of words. I always find embrace and comfort, reading to see that I am not alone.

scared .

I would be scared to end up like that girl you love so much.
Scared of being so empty that I'd settle for half the love, 
that I would share myself in halves because 
there is no other way I can do it.

Only halves.

I learned that even in the days when I don't seem to have the answers, when I can barely keep myself together, and I am reduced into tears since the morning... Even in those days, there is still light.

definitions.

We were not lovers, no.
We were time travelers.

Intentions.

I believe in intentions.
I believe in making space.
Space for the new, for the good, for what I deserve. They say we attract what we are ready for.- Well, I might not be ready yet, but I know I should let go of everything that no longer serves me. Make space. I should stop clinging to the smallest ember of hope between your words, because I am always left baffled and confused. And this is not within me. I've been troubled, I've been hurt, and I've found the peace I needed right inside me. Confusion does not live within me. Yet when you reappear, chaos overflows. I am unable to keep my pieces together, everything shatters once more. I am sorry I couldn't be the person I think you needed. For you came to me, your soul striving for still water, and I became a storm. You left. Came back. Left again, like waves do. But I want to be trapped in your swell no more. I am not what you want, you are not what I need. I am tired of lingering around you. Tired of feeling that I was not good enough, and actually believing it. Tired of me thinking about you. You didn't want me to have expectations, well... I let all go. I let you go. Not because I don't care - I care too much. Too heavy of a bridge to be carried from one side, so I am crossing it, and burning it as I walk. This is my intention, to let you go, completely. To be able to look you in the eye, and realize that you no longer have power over me- that your words touch my soul no more. And so, when someone that is willing to love me without fear comes along, I will be ready. Even when now it seems like a long journey until then. Here is where it begins.

I don't play games.

No. I will never mess with your mind, and if I do, I will make sure you know that I am playing so we can make fun of each other. I won't try to manipulate you in my favor. That is just myself, but please don't play games with me. Don't sneak in with strategies, because I might not notice, and it will hurt... Or I might, and I can assure you that it will hurt anyway. Don't be so selfish that you would mess with me, before even making up your mind. If you care for me, let me know. I am an open book, I don't conceal things. Even when I don't know anymore how good of a thing this is, it is who I am. And I'd rather walk with an open heart than to be afraid of being myself. I understand that this makes me vulnerable, and sometimes I keep asking myself if I should be different. If I should think differently, feel less ... And the answer is I just don't know how to. I am aware that I still have a ton of learning to do when it comes to the ways of the world. But I have no doubt that I will come through it all. And so will you.

.

My soul craves a bunch of things that happened around you. I've been looking for your eyes, in others' eyes. Looking to dance like we did. Is not the same, it never is. Just those late night conversations, and the way you made me feel like I was one of the nicest creatures you've ever been around. And how I felt at peace every time we said goodbye. Your hand playing with mine as we talked about life, lying in my couch under my dim lights. I still miss that touch, you have the softest hands I've ever held. No one has made my soul cringe, dance, thrill, sing, silence... like you did.

Now I see you are away, and I look at all of these feelings that I wish had left with you. Everything that belonged to you and you left behind. But they were never yours to carry, I understand, so I do not blame it on you for leaving like that. I should not have fallen for you, but I did. And that is mine to carry. I am still learning to let go; is not always easy, it has not been easy. Yet I am grateful for the very moment our looks crossed dancing at that bar. I am grateful for the way you shook me, and reminded me that there are people that can make me feel this way. You left my soul starving, yes. But even for that I am thankful. Because now I get to feed my soul, to get stronger on my own.